Cancer sucks the BIG one!!!!

In trying to protect myself from daughter's strep throat ,I was placed on antibiotics, So my nice white count of 4 is now a 2. and what do get when you are on antibiotics with no white count to talk about. THRUSH.Let me explain it is a thick nasty white coating on the tongue that makes everything taste like shit,It causes mouth sores under your tongue and down your throat .Even water burns going down. Then you realize that you can not swallow correctly because everything is swollen. try taking your 26 pills when you can barely swallow. I feel a overwhelming need to brush my teeth all the time and that the medicine is making my breath stink.No one has said anything about that yet so I am trying not to test that theory.So I am hoping that the thrush will go away soon with the swish and swallow and yes I cheat and spit it out sometimes. At least this not a permanent side effect just a annoying one. But I am trying to look on the bright side, as long as I have the thrush my white count is too low. So if heals slowly (UGH) my white count will come up slowly,hopefully at the right time harvest from again to make my next batch of protein. I kind of feel like a wheat field,get it harvest the grain to make bread. Ha I laugh at my own stupidity.
Anyways the headaches are getting worse ,more centralized to certain areas for a few days then they move to another spot.Oddly enough my hair is growing like crazy since I having the protein injection,however I can't even rub my head without it hurting.Sometimes I still have to have Shane put me in head lock just get enough pressure to make bearable, Not sure why outside pressure helps , but it does.
SO I should have a scan in a week maybe 2 and see what we see. My Raynaudy's is out of control right now which is making my feet hurt and feel like blocks of ice. The neuropathy pain is spreading and sometimes makes it hard to use my TENS unit to help alleviate my pain. And as a bonus my walking is a sight to see, I am all over the place. Hope no one gives me a sobriety test. Speech is OK except I look something sometime like say Megan's lunchbox and I will point at it and point at it but just can't get out the words Meg's get your lunchbox. It is happening more often is a true frustration. I am glad that I no longer work in the ICU. Don't get me wrong i still use the tricks of the trade in the office and miss the intensity of it. But I can not imagine standing beside a bed and pointing at a monitor or iv pump and not be able to get out what I need. at least at the office they all know me well enough to understand my own version of sign language and it helps when we all laugh about it. Don't think I would have that at some of my other jobs. It still amazes me that after only 6 months I have been excepted and treated just as I want to be. Hell if I can't laugh at myself especially with those who see the worse I might as well let cancer win. as I said before I run the disease it tries to run  me and has had it's fair share of putting me down but I can always count on family,friends,those close to me to lift me up with something foolish and funny.Cancer is not a joke but I refuse to live my life around cancer as much as possible. Some days it wins and keeps me grumpy,painful and in bed. Other times I almost feel like my old self.
So her is to CANCER,  YOU SUCK and WE ALL KNOW IT!!!!
Say the protein is working and it will.Pray the protein is working and it will. Believe the protein is working and it will. If you say it enough IT WILL BE TRUE!!!!!

FAMILY

So family comes in many forms. Your flesh and blood, your friends and your co workers. I can say that you can be truly aware of who you can consider family until you have a life altering event. Every one initially shows concern and wants  to help. Then as things get bad your true family comes out. The ones that stand by you as you slowly go crazy from being sick. They are not the ones that can only discuss you being sick but the ones that keep it normal. The ones who know that the attitude you are giving can not be helped and look past it. The ones who visit just because they want to not because they heard you had bad news. They just want to spend time with you. The ones that don't just show up for the surgeries and the bad times. the ones that are there for both the bad and good times. The ones that let you cry on there shoulder when you need to the ones that laugh at you because you are laughing at yourself. You find that not all the flesh and blood family is as important because they can't do both, they can't be there for good and bad, they can't come and see you at worse and know how to handle it. You find that friends come from strange places, those that you thought would be there for you are not and the unexpected ones that are. Your co workers that take you in and treat you normally and can make you laugh, and know that not being able to walk right or talk right is frustrating but can make you laugh about it. So I want to thank all my family for the support. I think by now you know that I don't consider all my family to be flesh and blood. that my family is made of friends,co workers and those who share my DNA. I thank those who ask how I am out of concern but also know that cancer does not define me and there is more to me. I feel bad for those who can not see me past the illness. Because I am still here and still a bitch some of the time,but also I will still do anything for my true family that is in my power while I am sick and they know they can ask,because I am not defined by my illness. Cancer does not own me,not until I take my last breath and I know who will be there for me. OK My Mom just read my blog and had a very good analogy for my life. You don't visit cancer you live it. Thank you to all who live it and the REST of my life with me.

update

OK I know this sounds messed up. But I felt better before things started shrinking. My headaches are worse. To the point that Shane and Mom have to hold my head to help ease the pressure. I am dizzy all the time now and have chest pain on and off. I also am more tired than I have ever been.My neuropathy is worse.Only good I can say at this point is that I get a second round of gene therapy. I am headed toward a bombardment of chemo because they want to get a better or rather cleaner strain of DNA to make the next treatment hopefully better. That means getting my Leukemia under better control. Good news is I am going to make it to my next birthday  35 here I come. Hopefully I will make it to my next one. 5 months on the time line down so far. So here is to beating the odds. Anybody who ever said God does not give you more than you can handle, I have to say, he can stop anytime now. I think I have reached my quota of pain and what I can handle.

GOOD NEWS

Finally GREAT NEWS. Had a little trip to the ER on Monday due to some chest pain. This resulted in having a scan of my brain being done today instead of at the end of the month. I officially have one tumor that has shrunk 1 inch and is pulling away from the tentacles and a second tumor that shrunk 2 mm. This is the cause  of my chest pain and going in and out of a fib and having the shortness of breath and chest pain. But I will take that in replace of the tumors finally shrinking!!!!! I will get gene therapy again in April. We are at the 2 week mark right now so there is still plenty of time for more good to happen. But it is working!!!!! How excited am i. If I had the energy and the ability I would probably be doing flips in the office. Here is to good news and hopefully more good news to come!!!!!

First Day Back

First day back at work went better than I thought. I felt weak and jello legged from being in bed for so long. head pressure and headaches are a little worse due to being up. I made it through lunch then I threw up my soup and my medicine. as I did not bring extra medicine and my doctor is still on vacation. i opted to go home so I could rest and be ready for the day tomorrow. so we will see what happens in the am.
still getting chemo for the leukemia.The hope is that they can either better control my leukemia or put it into remission so if I am blessed enough to get a second round of gene therapy that it will be a better strand. so big thanks to Auntie Jenny for being my continuous daily driver and thank you Untie Aaron for picking me up today and bringing right up to the door. Will let you all know how the week progresses. At least this time my hair is growing instead of falling out like last time.It is nice when they have to ask you to shave your head for a procedure and not because it is falling out. Ahhh the mysteries of chemo and why some loose hair and some don't.OK took my nightly meds and starting to loose my train of thoughts. Good night, See yah on the flip side with a headache that never goes away HA AH.