Latest procedure

Ok so the latest procedure was April15th. Yheah I know I suck for not posting. Five tumors have detached and they went ahead an injected Four of the tentacles with the protein.I had a harder time this time bouncing back form the surgery. I thought I was over the hump until my Easter came to a grinding halt around 9 pm. We had a lovely dinner,easter egg hunt and bubble war at Jen and Aaron's house, a little after 6 I started to have some pain so I laid down. 2 hrs later I was woken up told it was time to go. by the time we got home I was in a manic state.Keep in mond I do not remeber most of this. Apparently I had the need to seperate all the Easter Candy into seperate bags, I was stopped from doing that and Shane tried to get me to read and I could not do that. So he gave my drawing stuff found a picture of a lion on the computer for me to draw. I have no idea how this picture came out as I have still to look at it. I sat in the rocking chair talking to my computer lion and my drawing repeating that I could do this I could get a grip. Apparently I cussed enough to offend Megan. Then my mom took Megan to her room and read to her at the sametime I threw the drawing stuff down and ran to the bath room. The worst pain of my lufe hit me. I have no words to describe it, I heaved so much that my chest hurt.I felt like ther was a hot poker boring into my skull. God love my husband who stood behind me,watched as I threw nothing up but bile in a violent way as I cried for the pain to stop and held my head. He was waiting for the words take me to the hospital. I never said them. He helped me get into my Pj's and into bed I went with a crying Megan. I woke up in the morning with memory of the pain,and him being there. A little fuzzy on the manic episode that scares me. And I do not remeber most of Monday other than my text messages I sent to work and 2 calls, one calling into work but have no clue what I said. 2nd call oncology,sorry no scan until next week, rest and we will assume this was something breaking apart.
I am all for tumors shrinking and breaking apart. I know I get restless before it happens,so far I have handled the pain.This new manic episode scares me because when you go crazy the after thought is what if when that tumor pulled away what if I did not make it back to the other side. Now that things are happening it is a good thing but not knowing when or how they are going to manifest are starting to worry me. For the first time it is not lost on me that I could very well stay in a manic state, I could stroke,get a anuyersum,lose my sight or hearing or any other nuber of neurological problems.
I know before I have said I will live with any side effect that it gives me in order to live longer and get better. But know after Sunday and having that big of a memory lapse, I am not so sure.
So it was back to woek today and hopefully tomorrow I will find my groove again.
Did I mention CANCER SUCKS and I DON"T WANT IT ANYMORE!