tumors why won't you behave

OK so about 4:30 pm on Monday I got a stabbing pain in head the left front  to top of my head. I called my doctors. On my drive home the left side of my face went numb,a few minutes later the doctors call>>> go the hospital they will be waiting for at Bert Fish,closest place I was  and get a MRI. OK. MRI front tumor has grown 1/2 inch longer and 1/4 inch deeper. This week has been loads of fun I am walking into walls,tripping over thing and just uncoordinated in general as well as my speech is worse. It use to be bad when I was tired and I could hold my own during the day , not so much anymore.The increase in neurontin has helped with the pain,but it did make me crazy for a few days,and i still tend to gab to much at work. I am trying to pick up on clues since no one wants to tell me to shut the hell up. So I am a little bummed. I have everything riding on this gene therapy. I hope nothing goes wrong. I hope I get to the hospital in enough time for it to be implanted. I hope I don't get out of bed for 4 days. Crazy they are not keeping me overnight. But I know why,they just have not expressed it straight up but have hinted around it.I am a stage 4 no where to go from there but down and that is a unknown right now so I get to go home to be with family and friends instead of staying in the hospital, just in case the surgery goes bad.If it goes well then we wait 3 months and pray for my miracle that there is some kind of small improvement in at least one of the tumors.That way I can still be treated, if there is no improvement then the treatment stops for the brain tumors. Their is nothing else to do. I will get chemo for the leukemia which may help some. And Shane I will have to sit down and make the hard decisions that we have been avoiding.I am truly in God's hands, I believe he has a purpose for me, I don't know what that is. But again I am looking for that miracle to come to me and make me cancer free one day in the near future,I hope.
I am still having problems with the neuropathy and pain but i am managing, I am tired, I have a hard time concentrating and speaking and equilibrium, what is that? I am not controlling the headaches at all anymore,if I get the edge off of one I am doing good. Dr opinion is this is from the growth of the tumor. I am still on chemo injections and pills but no more radiation.As of Monday I still had 4 tumors with 2 seeds a piece left. Radiation would prolong there lifetime and delay the gene therapy. So we wait, hope that not too much damage is done while we wait. Hopefully either wed afternoon,morning,night or Thurs sometime I will have my surgery. Basically Monday scan, no seeds left, finish making protein, as soon as it is done go to the hospital to have it injected.There is a very short half life on the and the window is small, so when they call and say it be ready in 10 min I go. that is about all the warning time they can give me, so everyone is on alert to drive me fast to the hospital. So that is the plan.
On a funny note I now have a chauffeur, my sister has kindly enough offered and is taking me back and forth to work. We are all scared of side effects on the road.Also we don't know how the therapy is going to effect me so I do not want to be driving.My family is great and I am glad they are close and can help me. My extended family is awesome too, even though they do too much,um that was for Jay and Joi, you know what you did. It is greatly appreciated and allowed for Megan to have a special Christmas and for her to be able to have a great birthday. I love you guys.
So here is to fighting the fight  round whatever. Lets see who wins. Place you bets here!!!!!