Latest procedure

Ok so the latest procedure was April15th. Yheah I know I suck for not posting. Five tumors have detached and they went ahead an injected Four of the tentacles with the protein.I had a harder time this time bouncing back form the surgery. I thought I was over the hump until my Easter came to a grinding halt around 9 pm. We had a lovely dinner,easter egg hunt and bubble war at Jen and Aaron's house, a little after 6 I started to have some pain so I laid down. 2 hrs later I was woken up told it was time to go. by the time we got home I was in a manic state.Keep in mond I do not remeber most of this. Apparently I had the need to seperate all the Easter Candy into seperate bags, I was stopped from doing that and Shane tried to get me to read and I could not do that. So he gave my drawing stuff found a picture of a lion on the computer for me to draw. I have no idea how this picture came out as I have still to look at it. I sat in the rocking chair talking to my computer lion and my drawing repeating that I could do this I could get a grip. Apparently I cussed enough to offend Megan. Then my mom took Megan to her room and read to her at the sametime I threw the drawing stuff down and ran to the bath room. The worst pain of my lufe hit me. I have no words to describe it, I heaved so much that my chest hurt.I felt like ther was a hot poker boring into my skull. God love my husband who stood behind me,watched as I threw nothing up but bile in a violent way as I cried for the pain to stop and held my head. He was waiting for the words take me to the hospital. I never said them. He helped me get into my Pj's and into bed I went with a crying Megan. I woke up in the morning with memory of the pain,and him being there. A little fuzzy on the manic episode that scares me. And I do not remeber most of Monday other than my text messages I sent to work and 2 calls, one calling into work but have no clue what I said. 2nd call oncology,sorry no scan until next week, rest and we will assume this was something breaking apart.
I am all for tumors shrinking and breaking apart. I know I get restless before it happens,so far I have handled the pain.This new manic episode scares me because when you go crazy the after thought is what if when that tumor pulled away what if I did not make it back to the other side. Now that things are happening it is a good thing but not knowing when or how they are going to manifest are starting to worry me. For the first time it is not lost on me that I could very well stay in a manic state, I could stroke,get a anuyersum,lose my sight or hearing or any other nuber of neurological problems.
I know before I have said I will live with any side effect that it gives me in order to live longer and get better. But know after Sunday and having that big of a memory lapse, I am not so sure.
So it was back to woek today and hopefully tomorrow I will find my groove again.
Did I mention CANCER SUCKS and I DON"T WANT IT ANYMORE!

I hate being sick

sorry I have not posted in awhile. I had another harvest.My white count was 8 at the time of the harvest and had alot of healthy cells in it. So the doctors are optimistic that this strand of therapy will be even better. I had a few problems during the harvest, like they accidently swabbed my head with betadine wich I am allergic to. So now my bald head is covered in a rash. I have had alot more headaches and they are getting harder to control. I know it is a good sign because it means that something is seperating or shrinking. There is a concern about one of the tumors that is at the midline of my brain and is very close to the cerberall fluid. After speaking with my oncologist and some co workers we have decided that after this procedure we are going to wait longer than the 3 months that the cancer soceity wants. I am going to give this longer to work and see how good the outcome is. If things don't progress I will restart treatment.
As of right now my white count is up to 13. The headaches are a constant all day and I can barely control the pain at times. Of course it is worse at the end of the day. but my balance is slowly getting worse. Due to the pain sometimes I am double and triple checking things at work for fear of messing up. I am extremely lucky that all I have to do is ask Dr.S to check me when I am having a hard time and he thankfully does. I am sure I will be making this up in babysitting time!!!
I got a little freedom by being able to drive on Monday but I took it upon myself to go food shopping after work. The extra errand gave me some problems and my mind started to wander. I had to stop and get gas and went to the most out of way gas station plus I could not focus by the time i got home. then the mother of all headaches hit. I have not been able to break it since. I goes from a all over dull ache which I can handle to a all out sharp stabbing pain.
Chemo has started up again, hello nausea!!! But I am taking my phenergan and stronger pain med at night which has helped me to keep more food down. But I feel bad as always for my family and daughter as they bare the brunt of my worse pain and attitude.I still am hopinf for the day that I will be able to actually do something outside the house with Megan.
So procedure number whatever is scheduled for the 14th or 15th of this month and then we will see. My husband and brother in law are planning a dive trip for me for mother's day. I am excited because I think the pressure change might actually help the pain,because when I hold my head the pain gets better. So here is to the pain that is making it all better and hoping for my 2nd miracle.